There is one sure-fire way to ensure that, no matter what you are considering trying or doing you will never – and I mean never – fail at it.
It’s taken me a while to come to this realization, and lots of experiences with clients. I’ve learned a lot about failure and how it works with feeling stuck in your life.
For starters, I’ve learned failure is not always a bad thing. We can, after all learn a great deal from our failures. On the other hand it’s not as much fun as success right?
Still, right from when we are very young we get the message. Failure = bad, success = good. So, we learn to try to avoid failure, and to fear it.
After working with people around this fear of failure, I have realized two very important things.
First, too many of us take it and internalize it. We think that if we make mistakes or our plan doesn’t work the way we expected, that somehow that is reflected back into what sort of person we are and becomes part of our character somehow.
For the record – it really doesn’t. The truth is, that this worry we have about being seen as ‘bad’ or ‘a mess’ pretty much happens only in our own eyes as everyone else just moves along or is too worried about their own perceived failures to bother judging ours.
The second is the one true key to never, EVER failing at anything ever again.
This one blew me away in its simplicity and inarguable truth.
The one and ONLY way to never find yourself en route to failing again is (drum roll please) to do nothing.
Like nada, zip, zilch…nothing. Never try, never expand, and do not ever attempt to grow or change. Not yourself, your situation or even your attitude.
Just don’t do anything.
Heck, I’d tell you to try to freeze time, but that’s still technically doing something and let’s face it…the odds aren’t good on that one.
Sounds great right?
No first dates, no kids, no trying new foods, no moving house, no new ideas. Oh man…awesome.
Well then my friend I can only tell you to get ready because if you’re going to go and DO stuff (any stuff) you might as well get used to the idea of failure. It’s going to happen. After all, it happens to everyone at some point.
Unless of course, they want to stop everything.
Unless of course, they want to stop living at all.
I’ve had some clients try that route. They call it ‘avoiding taking risks’ you see. But when everything new or up leveled is seen as a risk, they really are just paralyzed in their own life and it sucks. I know it sucks and so do they because they are looking to stop being paralyzed.
This is what it means when you hear people talking about feeling ‘stuck’. They really mean they are so afraid of being wrong, making a mistake or failing that they will not do anything.
Do you see how silly it is to feel stuck when you can simply do something – anything and you’ll stop feeling that way?
And yet, the fear of failure, or of being labelled a failure is powerful. But, it’s powerful because we allow it to have that power. We use our own mind against ourselves!
You see, the price of living is sometimes failure and disappointment. Sometimes the prices is freaking awesome with success. You can’t predict it with 100% certainty and that’s kind of the thrill of living you know?
So we can change our mind. We can shift failure from feelings of worthlessness, to feelings of being one who is really living their life! We can shift from shame to creative learning and appreciation for all the crazy twists life sends up.
We can get out of stuck, by giving failure the value it deserves.
It’s your call.