Why don’t you need to bother with New Year’s resolutions? Easy answer? Because they SUCK and you don’t really care about them anyway.
C’mon, am I right? Little bit? Yeah, I thought so.
It’s December 31st, 2016 today. New Year’s Eve Baby!
At 8am I’ve already had 3 emails and have seen multiple Facebook and twitter posts about how to ‘FIX’ your new year’s resolutions this year. Everything from wording them differently, to buy this app, to getting a ‘resolution buddy’. Ugh!
All in all, probably not bad ideas in themselves but the truth is they won’t really work for you either. They are missing the point! Maybe they might help extend your dedication to your resolution a little, but it still won’t last.
The truth is its because you’re more invested in having New Year resolutions…and not the goals themselves.
And, while you most likely really do mean it in the moment you decide to declare your goals, they aren’t tied to anything that has deep enough meaning to keep them rooted.
Once the excitement of New Year’s is over, they just float away like a balloon on a sunny afternoon when the wind picks up. Forgotten quickly, until next Dec 31st. Well, except for those fleeting moments when we beat ourselves up or not completing them right? SO not-good for our self esteem!
The truth is, goals set in a moment of enthusiasm (or after after a few glasses of cheer) are rarely worth the breath it takes to speak them. If you even remember what they are the next day, most likely by Jan 2 they are already feeling like a burden rather then a motivator. Less than helpful ya know?
Now I KNOW a few of my followers are saying ‘wait a minute, I’ve heard you talk about setting goals, even your own’ – or something like that. And it’s true – I totally do. And no, that doesn’t at all conflict with me saying you don’t need these crappy New Year’s resolutions.
It’s not about that. It’s about the WHY. The why is always the kicker when you set any goal. THAT is where you get the inspiration and motivation to get to the gym, to say no thanks to the office cake and more.
It’s also about loving your Self to choose what’s best for you.
Shocked? It’s so true. When you have little or no compassion for yourself you don’t care how you will feel later. The choices you make are not thoughtful or quite often centered on what others think or want.
Then you get the low vibrational emotions resentment, frustration, hopelessness, depression…and the cycle continues.
I really saw this when I started doing very specific work with my groups around boundaries. The part where we talk about boundaries being an integral piece of self care got really intense every single time.
You see, self-care is so closely interwoven with self-love and self-esteem it’s almost impossible to separate them. Work on one area and the others get lifted up as well…which as a coach I LOVE to see!
What was super interesting is I had two ladies, in two separate groups email me to say they lost weight as a result of working on their boundaries and self-care in my year-long group. They didn’t ‘mean’ to, (in other words they were not actively trying to lose weight) but when your choosing better for yourself, the love gets around and their are often unexpected benefits!
Listen, the point is you don’t need resolutions that are flying in the wind.
Here’s what to do instead – and yes, this is EXACTLY what we will be doing in my mastermind group live call (among a few other things) because it is just do damn powerful! I’m sharing it because I want you and everyone else to have an amazing 2017 in ways that you cannot even imagine just yet.
Find a quiet space (I highly recommend free-writing in your journal about this) and reflect on 2016. What was really great for you? Look at those painful moments and find the gift (hint: our toughest times are often our greatest teachers).
Then, sit quietly. Listen to your inner knowing. Ask yourself – how do you want to Feel in 2017? It might take a while to sort it out and that’s okay. Just be in the moment with all the messy and rushing thoughts. You will get there.
You may even have 2 or 3 words/feelings that come up. That’s okay but I’d not have too many more than that or it tends to get messy and hard to keep focus.
Now commit to loving yourself enough to saying yes to things that get you to that place of feeling how you want to, and no to those things to will take you from those feelings. Say it. FEEL it when you say it.
This is the kind of thing you need to remind yourself of…and often. Get creative about that! (tip: I love putting the feeling word on a post-its on my bathroom mirror!)
From the place of ‘feeling’ you can begin to choose better, love yourself more and create a bigger awareness of who you are in your own life. Ask yourself constantly “Does this action serve me and how I want to feel or not?”
Now, it can get messy and sometimes we think we have no choice but to do things that don’t serve us this way. Still, there are lessons, stepping stones…lots of depth here.
But lovely, THIS is how to start building an exceptional life and joy and meaning. You’re going to amaze yourself!
So, ditch the bogus and yet enthusiastic resolutions and spend the time on really loving yourself enough to check in and expand your awareness by choosing how your create meaning in your life.
You totally got this!
Big love, and all the best in the New Year!