Ooohh..Someone done you wrong?
- Vengeance is MINE!
- I seek revenge for..
- I will make them pay.
- You will rue the day! (okay that one was more for fun)
Any of those catch your fancy?
You know..crap happens. People who choose crappy actions happen.
The question is are you going to spend your one, precious life being angry and victimized? Your choice.
First, before you jump all over me, yes I know it is perfectly natural and sometimes quite healthy to be angry…or royally pissed off depending on how you like such things. In fact, if it’s a dangerous situation it might even save your life.
However, as a lifestyle, walking around with a chip on your shoulder really sucks.
Forgiveness is the solution. I know, I know…some of you are already bristling at the thought. After all some people you say don’t deserve forgiveness, or the person who wronged is long gone or even passed on.
Aha..that means I have something of real importance to share with you. Forgiveness isn’t even remotely about the person who did the wrong. It’s a gift you give to yourself.
When you forgive it doesn’t absolve the other person of responsibility.
In fact, in my case, a number of the people I needed to forgive don’t even know the impact they had on me and the depths of the resentment I carried for years. The pain I was in was completely unknown to them. They also have no idea of the struggle I went through in learning to forgive them.
And my friends, it was a long, painful and difficult struggle. Mostly, because I didn’t have the courage to ask for help. I had to figure it out on my own and to be honest it wasn’t all the easy. How blessed I am that help came anyway and taught me some truths about forgiveness.
Forgiving isn’t saying what the other party did was okay, justified or allowable. It just means you are letting go of the hurt and anger.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the other person gets to stay in your life. This isn’t punishment when done out of love for yourself. This is setting healthy boundaries. A very big difference.
The other person may never even become aware of your step. They might not even care and that really doesn’t matter. They might never admit they did anything wrong or hurtful. That also doesn’t matter.
Forgiveness is the hearts way of deciding, from a place of love, that you are letting go; you are shaking that chip off your shoulder and moving on.
Forgiveness is not for them, but for you. It is your peace and happiness that is being destroyed when you allow that bit of blackness to remain in your mind, heart and life. Don’t kid yourself that this resentment doesn’t affect every part of you either. It does. There is just no way around it.
When you let it go or let it dissolve you take back your power to be peaceful.
And for those who think ‘getting them back’ means you win. I have news. You don’t. You just lose again and again because it’s time from your life you could be spending creating something masterful and beautiful. Instead you created more hurt, anger and sadness; and spent too many days wasting your energy in a negative place.
One of the strangest things I realized in my own journey is that forgiveness can also be a bit fluid and layered. You may think you have forgiven someone but the hurt can come rushing back. That’s normal. After all you are only human. It can take time and repeated conscious efforts to forgive. Peeling back those layers can open up old wounds you though were healed. Those too need forgiving before you can move on.
But one day you will find it doesn’t hurt, not really. You will find you are focused on creating your beautiful life and that is what matters.
It was Ghandi who said it best. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”
Be strong, and be strong for YOU. Find your peace and nurture it.
P.S. Come be part of a community of other Brilliant Souls figuring out how to navigate this crazy world from a place of love!